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Showing posts with label pastor's wife. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pastor's wife. Show all posts

01 May

Something Just For You



“My husband asked me if I should start writing again, that I seemed, well . . . happy when I was writing.”
This was part of a conversation I had with a guest at our last writer’s group. After introducing myself and asking her what brought her to our group she shared this statement. She then went on to say that she works part-time as a realtor, homeschools her children, one of whom has autism, and is—a minister’s wife.
Yes, my thoughts exactly. She’s busy. Then add on the fact that she’s a minister’s wife and she becomes very busy. But what caught my attention was the fact that her husband noticed something about her. That there was something that seemed to make her happy—when she was doing something for herself: writing.
I encouraged my new friend to come back and join us and to keep writing, because as a minister’s wife we need something that’s ours. Did I get an Amen?
Yes, being a wife and mother or grandmother is rewarding and so is serving with our husbands. But that’s what we are doing—serving with our husbands. But what about ourselves?
One thing that can help us balance our crazy lives is to have something that we can call our own.
What do you do that’s for you, and for you only?
It could be sewing, knitting, or scrapbooking. What about painting, gardening, playing an instrument, or writing? And DIY projects, there are so many to choose from. Do you like to go to yard sales with your girlfriends, be a part of a book club, or what about an exercise class at the local YMCA? The point is we need to have something that’s ours to immerse ourselves in that gives us enjoyment and satisfaction.
I was like my new friend at one time. I was working full time, raising our family, keeping the home fires burning and serving with my husband. There was no outlet for me. I found myself close to the dreaded burnout. What about you? Do you know without another thought that something you enjoy doing? Or do you need to ponder the idea.
Begin by dusting off the cobwebs of your mommy/wife heart and think about the things you enjoyed doing as a child.
You may not be able to turn cartwheels at your age, but you may remember that you loved being outside. Did you like to color? Oh my, the adult coloring books are everywhere now. What about baking, not cooking for the family, but baking, or better yet gourmet cooking? Well, then sign up for a baking or cooking class.
We are all “fearfully and wonderfully made,” (Psa. 139:14) and God has given each one of us things we enjoy doing. And we’re all different. Like today at lunch by husband looked out the window at our neighbor digging holes and planting new perennials in his flowerbed. My husband’s comment was, “Why would anyone enjoy doing that!”  I, being a gardener who loves the outdoors, was going to challenge his statement. But then he went on to say that others must think he’s crazy for spending four hours outside hitting a small white ball until it goes into a tiny round hole. Yes, my thoughts exactly.

Let me encourage you today that if you don’t have an interest that’s yours, then pray. Ask God to show you something that you could do and would enjoy—something just for you.


About the Author:

The hats I wear are many but with each one brings an opportunity to share heart, humor, and hope. My day job is with a ministry in Greenville, SC but my other hours I fill with writing, speaking, teaching Bible Studies, leading our women's ministry, designing landscape/gardens, rowing at Greenville Indoor Rowing and answering to Beth, mama, and grandmommy. Serving alongside my husband, who is a pastor, for over twenty years, I can say without a doubt that as difficult as it is at times, it's also a great honor. They say that with age comes wisdom, I'm not sure about the wisdom part, but I do know that with age comes the realization that no matter what I go through God is always there with His overwhelming love and grace. 



Connect With Beth:

23 January

Following God Into the New Year

doorway
“The New Year stands before me, like a doorway, waiting for me to enter. However, I want to sit still before it and ask God to go before me.
In the past I’ve raced through the doorway, ready to face the New Year with excitement. Other times I’ve walked through it, hesitant of the future due to current circumstances. And then I’ve crawled through the doorway, dreading the future because of the pain of the previous year.
So I sit, waiting, praying, and with a thankful heart because of this past year’s blessings. Can He do it again? Knock my socks off with His provisions, blessings, and love? It doesn’t matter, the important thing is that He goes before me.
No more racing, walking, or crawling. For He is My Good Shepherd, and where He leads I will follow. For He knows the plans He has for me, and it’s in Him that I’ll put my trust.”

I wrote this at the beginning of 2014—a year I’ll never forget. Three months after I wrote these words my husband had routine outpatient neck surgery and within thirty minutes of getting him home he had a heart attack.
After a ride in an ambulance, hours of waiting in the ER, 10 days in the hospital, a heart cath and then quadruple bypass surgery the day after Easter, we came home again and prepared for weeks of recovery.
            As I look at the New Year ahead I’m reminded that I don’t know what may happen in the months to come for our family, our church, or our ministry. However, I know the One who does know and I put my trust in Him. He was with me that difficult year in 2014, as well as the past three years and I know He will be with me in 2018.
            What about you? Are you moving into this year anxious, excited, expectant, or with dread? Take this month to remember how God has cared for you in the past, how He has showed up when you needed Him, and provided for you whether financially, physically, mentally, or spiritually. Are you seeking direction? Look to Him. Are you looking for answers? Take time to listen. Do you need rest? Be still and let Him carry you.
            Whatever this next year holds, we need to remember that God is already there and He is waiting on us. My prayer for you is that you will trust Him in all things.

            So, as for me and the upcoming year . . .

“I sit, waiting, praying, and with a thankful heart because of this past year’s blessings. Can He do it again? Knock my socks off with His provisions, blessings, and love? It doesn’t matter, the important thing is that He goes before me.
No more racing, walking, or crawling. For He is My Good Shepherd, and where He leads I will follow. For He knows the plans He has for me, and it’s in Him that I’ll put my trust.”


About the Author:

The hats I wear are many but with each one brings an opportunity to share heart, humor, and hope. My day job is with a ministry in Greenville, SC but my other hours I fill with writing, speaking, teaching Bible Studies, leading our women's ministry, designing landscape/gardens, rowing at Greenville Indoor Rowing and answering to Beth, mama, and grandmommy. Serving alongside my husband, who is a pastor, for over twenty years, I can say without a doubt that as difficult as it is at times, it's also a great honor. They say that with age comes wisdom, I'm not sure about the wisdom part, but I do know that with age comes the realization that no matter what I go through God is always there with His overwhelming love and grace. 



Connect With Beth:

10 January

Enter the New Year Like a Queen


praying hands

On the third day Esther put on her royal robes and stood in the inner court of the palace,
 in front of the king’s hall. The king was sitting on his royal throne in the hall, facing the entrance.* 

The orphan promoted to queen needed to speak with her husband, but she hadn’t heard from him for a month. King Xerxes’ law required the execution of anyone who appeared in his presence unbidden. Without an invitation, she was risking her life.

Since she was a daughter of Eve as we are, Esther likely carried some level of unease. Perhaps she dressed in a queenly outfit to remind Xerxes of her status or catch his masculine eye. We don’t know. What we do know is that, in spite of any hesitation or anxiety, Esther stood on the threshold of her destiny whatever it held.

Have you ever felt that way? As if you were standing on the edge of an unknown and uncertain future? Maybe, like me, you wonder where Esther found her courage.

She’d reached out to meet a simple need. The recipient, a trusted confidant, alerted her of a grave threat with instructions to take it to the king. When she explained her personal risk, he pointed out the responsibility of her position with a warning for her to act.

Her response was to call for three days of fasting and prayer among her closest supporters. In that intimate communion with her Faithful Provider and Guide, her security in His hands undoubtedly grew. The resulting confidence bore her to that dangerous doorway.

Xerxes saw her, and his extended scepter expressed his pleasure. The death threat cancelled, Esther touched the symbol of forgiveness, and stepped into her future. She advanced slowly, with purpose, into the role designed for her, for such a time as this.**
  
We can walk the path before us with the same confidence and courage.

1) Consider circumstances with prudence: sift human interpretation, your own as well as others, and resist outside pressure.

2) Meet with God in communion: welcome His presence, share details of the situation and your reaction, and ask for guidance.

3) Rest in His provision: accept His direction, pursue His plan by His grace, and trust His timing.

Similar to Esther, those who’ve received the offer of forgiveness from our King are released to pursue His purpose for our lives. We stand on the threshold of a new year with unknown twists, turns, and trials—an excellent opportunity to apply her approach. We may not save a nation from destruction or have a holiday established to honor our achievements. But we can step into our destiny with confidence and courage based on who God is and our relationship with Him as His children.

What uncertainties make you blink as you enter 2018?
How do they compare with the nature and character of God?

*Esther 5:1 NIV
**Esther 4:14 NIV

Brief Bio
Sandra Allen Lovelace is a continuing missionary, a pastor’s wife emeritus, and a homeschool pioneer. She’s an award-winning speaker and author, and a sought-after mentor. Sandra’s a member of Advanced Writers and Speakers Association, and her current manuscript is Wallflower Women: How We Got Stuck and Ways to Gain Our Freedom. She enjoys hiking with a camera in her hand, best done on an international adventure. Sandra and her husband Curt are transitioning to South Carolina.

Get to know Sandra at her website, http://sandraallenlovelace.com/
You can also connect with Sandra on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, and LinkedIn.







19 December

Surviving Christmas . . . Mary’s Way


As I look over my list of things to do for our upcoming Holiday Women’s Ministry event my soul is already yearning for January. For in January the hustle and bustle of the holiday season is over and I can just settle in and rest.

But rest is not on today’s agenda. With Andy Williams singing throughout the day that this is the most wonderful time of the year (and he croons it out eight times in the popular Christmas song) all I can think of is this is the most hectic time of the year.

Whether your husband ministers to a large congregation or small, there are so many demands and expectations put on us as minister’s wives. In a large church there are more events to help with and attend, and in a small church . . . well, we just about do everything.

So how can we get through the Christmas season without wishing it was January already? By following Mary’s example: treasure and ponder.

A lot had happened in this young women’s life. It started with a visit from a real angel telling her she would have a baby, without ever being with a man, and not just any baby, but one who would “be great and will be called the Son of the Most High,” (Luke 1:32).

You know the story. Mary travels with Joseph to Bethlehem, has the baby in a manger, shepherds come and visit and tell her about the angel that visited them and then how the skies were filled with angels as they sang, “Glory to God in the highest,. . .” and then how they followed a star to Bethlehem and found her and the baby.

I don’t know if they barged in after running to see what the angel said was true or not, or if they gently pushed open the door with reverence to see the Holy child, but one thing is for sure, they probably became very animated and excited as they retold their story to Joseph and Mary.

When Mary heard all of this the scripture says she “treasured up all these things, pondering them in her heart,” (Luke 2:19).

I think that is the key to surviving a busy Christmas season. We need to take time to ponder the things we have treasured in our hearts concerning Jesus and His birth.

I’m sure we all have our own personal reactions to the Christmas story found in Luke 2. Being a prodigal daughter, and coming back home to the Lord in the fall of the year, the next couple of weeks were unexplainable as I experienced the birth of Christ in new heart-felt way as I made Jesus not only Savior but Lord of my life. The story was more meaningful and continues to be to this day. I treasure my salvation and the fact that God came to earth in the form of a man to live on earth and then die for me. I ponder what all He went through, what He did, and now how He continues to be with me.

What have you treasured in your heart concerning Jesus? Take time to ponder on these things this Christmas season. Mary did. She had much to treasure. And as children of God, the One who sent Jesus from His home in heaven to this earth to live and die for us, we too should have much treasured in our hearts.

Yes, January is coming, but I’m not going to wait until then to settle in and rest. In the midst of the busiest time of the year, I’m going to make it a point to be settled and rest in the fact that Jesus really is the reason for this busy season and that it is because of God’s love I am His child.

Now that is a lot to ponder . . .


About the Author:

The hats I wear are many but with each one brings an opportunity to share heart, humor, and hope. My day job is with a ministry in Greenville, SC but my other hours I fill with writing, speaking, teaching Bible Studies, leading our women's ministry, designing landscape/gardens, rowing at Greenville Indoor Rowing and answering to Beth, mama, and grandmommy. Serving alongside my husband, who is a pastor, for over twenty years, I can say without a doubt that as difficult as it is at times, it's also a great honor. They say that with age comes wisdom, I'm not sure about the wisdom part, but I do know that with age comes the realization that no matter what I go through God is always there with His overwhelming love and grace. 



Connect With Beth:



12 December

Christmas Survival Skills



The countdown is on. Does the date pop into your head as soon as you wake up? Or only when you look at your To-Do List?

Bowls of dough and trays of cookies surrounded Trish when her iPhone rang. She wiped her hands on the red-checked towel and pressed Accept. Two sentences in, her mother’s sweet voice suggested her cousin Sue and her kids join them for Christmas. “It’s only been a month since Joe abandoned them. They must be struggling.”

Mom said she and dad would pitch in all they could, but Sue lived hours away. Coming for the whole weekend made the most sense. Yes. It made sense. Was something Trish might have thought of on her own . . . if she had a moment to think.

She heard herself say, “Of course. I’ll call her right away.” Her thumb poked the S in Contacts then chose Home. Peter, Sue’s oldest, answered. Trish felt hollow when she asked for his mom.

“Hello?” Sue sounded frail.

“Hi, Sue. It’s me, Trish. How are you?” Her mind snapped back into place.

Photo by Sandra Allen Lovelace
The cousins chatted for a few moments before she offered an invitation for Sue and her three children to join them for the holiday. Sue hesitated. Trish described cozy pajama times with young ones around the tree, fortified by hot chocolate and hymns. “You would bless us if you come,” did the trick.

She placed her cell phone on the granite counter top as her mind threatened to collapse. On top of preparing for the traditional visits from her parents, her brother and his family, not to mention her two returning college kids, she had no idea how she’d survive. What did I just do? How could I let my mother talk me into this?

She caught the bad attitude. Holy Spirit alerted her exactly as she’d been asking Him to. She went to the blue wingback by the picture window, her devo chair. Grabbing her Bible off the side table, she settled back and opened to the next chapter in her reading plan, Isaiah 63.

Her mind raced over the endless tasks ahead as her eyes flowed across verses 1 to 8. The word distress caught her attention. She placed her finger on verse 9 to steady her thoughts.

In all their distress he [the LORD] too was distressed,
She paused to soak in the idea of God sharing her panic.

and the angel of his presence saved them.
God joins His chosen ones to rescue us.

In his love and mercy he redeemed them;
            Deliverance is based on His character, not our efforts.

he lifted them up and carried them all the days of old (Isaiah 63:9).*
            Trish relaxed into God’s presence and provision.

How about you? Has your holiday pace hit the fever pitch?
Relief is as close as prayer and an attitude change based on Biblical Truth.

The LORD replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest (Exodus 33:14).*

*NIV

Brief Bio

Sandra Allen Lovelace is a continuing missionary, a pastor’s wife emeritus, and a homeschool pioneer. She’s an award-winning speaker and author, and a sought-after mentor. Sandra’s a member of Advanced Writers and Speakers, and has two manuscripts underway, Wallflower Women and Naomi. She enjoys hiking with a camera in her hand, best done on an international adventure. Sandra and her husband Curt are transitioning to South Carolina.

Get to know Sandra at her website, http://sandraallenlovelace.com/
You can also connect with Sandra on Facebook. If you contact her at Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn, or Google+  she’ll be delighted by a reason to practice.


05 December

The “Perfect Christmas”


Before we had children, it didn’t matter to me for some reason. I would have celebrated Christmas at a dirt track if that’s where we happened to be. But once we had children, I found myself dreaming about a perfect Christmas.

My perfect Christmas didn’t have to have snow on the ground, although that would have helped, but everyone would get up early, though not too early. They would gladly wait to open presents while drinking coffee/hot chocolate. The kids would be quiet while we read the Christmas story (or maybe even acted it out). We would have a time of prayer and thanksgiving around the tree. Everyone in the family would enjoy the food, spontaneously burst into carols, and get along. And most importantly, we would be at home.

Are you laughing yet? Because the perfect Christmas never happens.

Like most girls, Mary, the mother of Jesus, probably imagined starting her own little family. Living in Nazareth, near her mother, sisters, aunts, and cousins, she would have enjoyed plenty of support and know-how for that scary labor-and-delivery…plus the even scarier first days at home with a newborn. But after a low-key marriage with no wedding-night intimacy, she got none of that. Instead, Joseph—a carpenter and a man (in a time when men didn’t know anything about babies)—yes, Joseph helped her deliver her baby in a stranger’s barn in a town miles away from her family. Then, the only people to visit her were a bunch of smelly shepherds (again, all men).

No one would call that a perfect scenario. No one dreams of living like that.

I don’t compare myself to Mary, but I think we still (even after all these years) have much to learn from her. Nothing in her life turned out like she anticipated, but she found contentment anyway. Mary traded a quiet existence for the quite extraordinary Emmanuel.

When I dream of some ideal Christmas, I put stress on myself and my family to live up to my unrealistic expectations. I end up disappointed, and my family ends up frustrated. Plus, I do something God never does with us: anticipate earthly perfection.

We travel every year at Christmas, and it usually rains. We invariably duplicate or royally miss it on someone’s gift. The cousins get in an argument…or three. Some distant relative gets offended. The food gets cold before we can gather everyone to eat. Some years (and I’m just being honest here), no one even mentions Jesus until after the wrapping paper is in the recycling bin and the cookie tray is down to crumbs.

But this year, I’m asking God to help me be okay with that. I’m trying to remember that even the first Christmas wasn’t ideal, and Mary, the first mother to observe Christmas, probably wasn’t too happy about how it went either. I mean, straw and shepherds? Really?

What counts—for Mary and for me—is the result of that first Christmas. Even though our plans may fall by the wayside, the perfect plan of God’s perfect son incarnating imperfect human flesh went exactly as planned.

And that’s enough.
  
Question for Reflection: What Christmas expectations do you need to reexamine? What can you release so that everyone—especially yourself—has a more peaceful Christmas?





Bio.

Carole Sparks has celebrated Christmas in three countries and several states since she got married, but she’s still a sucker for Tender Tennessee Christmas. Sorry, but she hopes it doesn’t snow because, as usual, she’ll be travelling between grandparents those days. You might find her on social media (Twitter, Facebook, her blog) this month just because she needs an excuse to get some peace and quiet.



Carole, five days before Christmas last year.

17 October

Tell Yourself the Truth



Her dearest friend was away the morning she found out. The information halted her breath and drove Judy to her knees. When she could move, she shut off her cell phone and left it on the floor. The patchwork quilt cocooned her on the tan corduroy loveseat. She wept as she realized the details were too deep and personal to share with anyone.

By the time the afternoon shadows lengthened, the crisis dominated her mind and heart. She rose and fumbled through dinner preparations, forgetting to add tuna to the casserole. Dread about how she ought to respond settled over her as she ladled out the soup. The brave front she adopted left her family unaware of her dilemma. She excused the children from clean up, saying it was her turn.

Have you been isolated by events or emotions on occasion? Or do you keep your own counsel by habit?  

Either way, in reality we’re never truly alone. We can turn to God at any moment. But sometimes the human condition can make our heads feel like an MRI scanner. Thoughts bounce and bang ominously as they repeat past messages, conjure odd ideas, evoke wild emotions. Even devoted believers fall into this pit. There is an escape route.

1. Listen to the rebounding clamor and write down what you hear.

2. Read the comments aloud to engage the objective side of your brain.
Would you call a friend one of those names? Refuse to say it to yourself.
Does that evaluation or plan make sense? Double-check the facts.
Is the fear, anger, or pain out of balance? Verify their sources.

3. Research what God says about and to you, and write it down.
Are you yearning to be valued or belong, to dwell in a place of security?
Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine (Isaiah 43:1).
Is the constant barrage wearing you down, and the turmoil stealing your peace?
Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind (Romans 12:2).

4. Rephrase His Truth as godly self-talk, not I-centered statements.
“Judy, you are redeemed. You belong to God.”
“Judy, soak your mind in God’s Word. You will be revived.”

These strategies are tools to uncover our human frailties and restore our confidence in who we are in Christ. As we implement them in obedience, we build our defense system and promote our peace.

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5).


About the Author:

Sandra Allen Lovelace is a continuing missionary, a pastor’s wife emeritus, and a homeschool pioneer. She’s a well-respected speaker and author known for her transparency, warmth, and humor. Sandra has two manuscripts underway, Wallflower Women and Naomi. She enjoys hiking with a camera in her hand, best done on an international adventure. Sandra and her husband Curt are transitioning to South Carolina.

Get to know Sandra at her website, http://sandraallenlovelace.com/
You can also connect with Sandra on Facebook. If you contact her at Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn, or Google+ she’ll be delighted by a reason to practice.






26 September

Sometimes All He Wants is Yes



I'd prayed about it. It was not something I really desired to do but I felt Him leading me in the direction of the opportunity in front of me. I struggled with the decision but knew it was what He wanted so I said yes. I began to pray about this new responsibility and prepare myself for the changes it would bring into my life. I'd have to travel and do things I really wasn't interested in, but I had peace about it because I knew it was what He had been asking of me. 

The next week I was at a dinner and, unbeknownst to me, the guest speaker got up to introduce the new person in the ministry position I'd just accepted. As Elizabeth was introduced I sat bewildered and a little embarrassed. 

I later shared what happened with my husband who called one of the two people in charge of this position. Frank was beside himself and angry that this had taken place without his knowledge. Frank contacted Melinda (the other person in charge) and she assured him that Elizabeth was indeed given the position. 

Two branches of this ministry team looking in different directions without consulting each other caused a lot of confusion over the next several days. Emails were sent to all involved, apologies were made, conversations held, all the while with me wondering if I'd gotten it wrong. 

I was relieved that I didn't have to take this position and was thrilled that my friend Elizabeth got it, she would be much better at it than I would. She's proven this to be true in the years since. 

I still struggled with the decision since I'd known God had wanted me to say yes, but then I realized that maybe the yes was all He wanted. I think sometimes He just wants to know we are willing to do what He asks, even if it is something we don't want to do. 

By taking this position, Elizabeth has gotten to shine and grow her personality in a way what would have had me shrinking back. By me not having it I've been able to focus on things that have taken more of my time and energy than I'd thought would. 

Through this I've been reminded once again that God will never do anything to hurt or harm us and that His tests cause us to grow. I could have reacted to this in several ways that wouldn't have pleased Him.

Rejection: I could have taken this personally and looked at it as if I'd been rejected. Once I'd done this I would have surely had a list as long as a six-year old's Christmas list, filled with reasons for the rejection which would have only left me in a puddle of self-pity.

Comparison:
Elizabeth is younger than I and offers different skills than I do, but different does not mean better. I could have spent hours awake at night going over all of the reasons why she was a better choice than me. This would have ruined our friendship.

Anger: I could easily talk myself into being justified with anger over this situation. I mean, it was unfair. I should not be treated like this. Who did they think they were? I could let it downward spiral until I ruined a friendship with Elizabeth and ruined my reputation with the ministry leaders.

The list goes on. No matter which I'd chose it would never be better than choosing to let it go. By letting it fly away I was able to maintain the friendship with Elizabeth and encourage her to shine in her special way. I maintained my reputation with the ministry leaders, and kept my testimony of what the Lord is doing in and through me in tact.

Through all of this I was reminded that sometimes He just wants our willingness. Sometimes all He wants is yes.



About the Author:

Suzanne Schaffer has been in full-time ministry with her husband Wayne since 1992, pastoring in Pennsylvania and Illinois. She has two grown children and spends most of her days either writing or reading with a cup of tea close by. She enjoys attending auctions and sometimes brings home more stuff than she knows what to do with. She believes life is too short for mediocre food and insists on having good chocolate in the house at all times. You can connect with Suzanne at her blog, www.notenoughchocolate.blogspot.com



19 September

Rest and Trust


Racing thoughts spilled over the rim of Nicole’s mind. The annual ladies retreat was only a week away and the musician was suddenly unavailable. Her two teenagers were getting out of hand. Prayer meeting was in an hour and dinner wasn’t near ready. She dropped the vegetables on the counter and pulled out the cutting board.

Grateful the church was only ten minutes away, she considered other ingredients on hand to throw into a summer salad she could call dinner. The leftover chicken would add protein. Fresh pecans would delight her husband. And she was pretty sure there was a bottle of everybody’s favorite dressing in the fridge. It just might work.

Her hands flew as she started chopping. Clack, clack, clack. The knife’s rhythm somehow calmed her breathing. By the time she broke open the bell pepper and rinsed it, she was absorbed in the task. Her palm pressed into the handle as she sliced through the red vegetable’s skin. Bite-size pieces materialized.

She didn’t notice the blood until she rested the onion on the board. Dropping the knife, she reached across and grabbed at her injured thumb. Exerting pressure to close the wound, she stepped to the sink and pushed at the faucet with her elbow. The scarlet stream sent balls of light floating before her eyes. Her forearms caught her body weight against the counter’s edge. What now?

Once her head cleared Nicole inspected the injury and decided to treat it herself. While she alternated between applying pressure and wrapping gauze around the gash she turned to the Lord for solutions to her dilemma. Surely He created her for more than the incessant pressure that drove her.

She called her daughter to come finish the salad. When her son appeared to announce his hunger, she had him set the table. What would happen if I took on less?

They joined hands as her husband prayed. “Eat up, kids. We don’t want to be late.” The ping of forks on porcelain kept a bustling pace.

“Jeff, my hand is sore. I think I’ll stay home.” Nicole paused to check his reaction.

“That sounds like a good idea. Are you sure you’ll be all right by yourself? Caroline can stay with you.” Anxiety laced his words. “Can I pick up anything for you at the store?”

She closed her eyes as she took a cleansing breath. “No, dear. I’ll be fine.” Concern left his face and teased out a smile on hers. “Would you mind asking Joan Bennet to find a replacement musician for the retreat? I can’t think of anyone.”

“Sure. I’ll be happy to take care of that. Joan’s got connections. I’m sure she’ll find someone. Don’t worry.” He wiped his mouth with the checkered napkin. “Okay, kids. Let’s go.”

Peace I [Jesus] leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid (John 14:27).


Brief Bio
Sandra Allen Lovelace is a continuing missionary, a pastor’s wife emeritus, and a homeschool pioneer. She’s a well-respected speaker and author known for her candor and warmth. Sandra’s current manuscript invites wallflower women to enjoy the life God created them to live. She enjoys hiking with a camera in her hand, best done on an international adventure. Sandra and her husband Curt are transitioning to South Carolina.

Get to know Sandra at her website, http://sandraallenlovelace.com/
You can also connect with Sandra on Facebook. If you contact her at Instagram, Twitter, LinkedIn, or Google+ she’ll be delighted by a reason to practice.


18 July

Authenticity and Some Good Advice: An Interview with Sandra Allen Lovelace



Her eyes were bright and her smile contagious, but it was her spirit—something in the set of her backbone and the confident lift of her chin—that drew the attention of everyone at the table. If it wasn’t for Facebook, I wouldn’t have known she was the same woman I’d met two years earlier. After one of those lunches where you forget to eat, I knew I had to share her story with you!

Sandra Allen Lovelace grew up on the coast of Connecticut. Forty-eight years ago, she met and married her husband, Curt, in college. For thirty years, the Lovelaces served in paid pastoral ministry. In the early years, their isolated, international locations meant Sandra didn’t have encouragement from other ministry wives, so she had to figure things out on her own.

I asked Sandra about her calling alongside her husband’s paid ministry, and I think you’ll appreciate her be-yourself attitude. She explained,

We did our best to help others realize I was Curt’s wife and not a co-pastor. At the same time, I saw my responsibility as his wife to come along side and support him in any way I could. Making our home a place he could find peace and harmony was at the top of the list. After that came the task of teaching and training our two children. However, I found myself contributing a fair amount of hands-on participation to his ministry—regular hospitality, attention to newcomers, ladies Bible studies and retreats, curriculum for children’s ministry, cleaning and reorganizing his office and storage areas. There were limits though. I don’t play piano and I’ve been known to forget to add the tuna to a tuna noodle casserole. I never taught Sunday School and only provided refreshments for VBS. Organizing typical ministries, such as meals to shut-ins or secret sisters wasn’t my thing.

Some challenges are unique to minister’s wives. Like many of us, Sandra struggled with the impossible task of trying to please everyone in the church. Looking back on those years, she advises us, “No matter what’s going on around you, remember your life is lived before an audience of One. And by His all-sufficient grace, it’s the condition of your heart He values.” She turned to Romans:

"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death."
 -Romans 8:1-2 NIV

Sandra wants you to know she wasn’t the “super saint” people thought her to be while she served beside her husband all those years. And being a pastor’s wife didn’t turn her into a saint either. (I think we can all agree with that for ourselves, too.) She says, “I’m merely an everyday pilgrim along with my brothers and sisters. I make my way with the same Spirit all believers share.” It’s the Spirit Paul described to Timothy:

"For the spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline."
  -2 Timothy 1:7 NIV

She concludes, “What He does for me He can and will do for anyone who comes with a confessing heart.”

When Curt retired, Sandra had to redefine her calling and untangle her role in the church (pastor’s wife) from her role in her family (Curt’s wife). She didn’t retire from being his wife! At about the same time, God began to work in Sandra’s heart in a fresh way. Here’s how she describes it:

My New Look is the outward expression of the recovery God has been granting me. I cried out to Him in desperation when I realized I was a wallflower woman. While the lives of everyone around me benefited from my contributions, I was trapped flat in the wallpaper. There was so much more I wanted to do, felt gifted to pursue. The first hint God might have created me for more than I knew came at a retreat where my true and quirky self was accepted and celebrated. Since then it’s been a thrilling adventure of getting to know the One who calls me the apple of His eye. I’m writing a book about the process to encourage and guide other wallflower women to reach for the life God created them to live.

That straight back and confident chin I first noticed? In Sandra, I found a woman fully enjoying who God created her to be, delighting in her new-found freedom as a daughter of the King, and digging more deeply into God’s purpose and calling than the “wallflower woman” ever could. And that’s attractive.

You’ll get to know much more about Sandra soon because she’s a new columnist for Pastor’s Wives! Give her a big welcome here, and be sure to leave a comment for me or Sandra if this brief interview blessed you.

#PastorsWives #Interview: Your life is lived before an audience of one. @pwconnect @SandraALovelace @Carole_Sparks (click to tweet)

Question for reflection: It always helps our perspective when we verbalize what we’ve learned from our experiences. Even if you’ve been in ministry for only a few years, what’s your best advice for a new pastor’s wife? Feel free to share that advice in the comments below.

About the Author:



Carole Sparks is passionate about God’s Word—about how it can change our everyday lives! After years of globetrotting, she now lives, learns, and loves (plus a good bit of writing) in the hills of East Tennessee. Connect with Carole through her website, http://carolesparks.com or her blog, http://notaboutme1151.wordpress.com.

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